a superhero, friendships, california bliss, and more...

love andrea's expression in this photo and also love how her new superhero pendant is moving with her. i am loving the new camera.

after a full day of play at the ocean, ice cream cones, spontaneous adventures, conversation and photo taking, i dropped andrea off at her cozy berkeley home. as i continued my drive home, i listened to the weepies, sang out loud, and thought about andrea. how she is very much the kind of girl i like: smart, intuitive, fun + silly, insightful, and full of light. she also holds a talent so dear to many of us and unabashedly encourages us all to be our own superhero. what a delight she is. it was the kind of day that left me feeling nourished, upbeat, and hopeful of what's to come.

**************

i've been feeling incredibly spoiled in my friendships lately. whether it's my hour (or two) long weekly phone chat with my bff, a sweet handwritten card from a portland pal (thank you, sarah), or a date with my local friends, i walk away from these experiences with a sense of renewed energy, a bit of inspired hope. i've always been on the cusp of introvert/extrovert. sometimes i feel renewal in times spent alone and sometimes i get it in times spent with dear ones. it's 50/50. lately, the balance has been perfect. and i feel incredibly lucky to have such wonderful people in my life who totally get the idea that as women, we are often all things in one: that we can still be beautifully strong/talented/grounded while also being indecisive/worried/conflicted - that we can hold the space for one another to be all that we are and hope to become. it all feels very real, true, and honest.

i can't believe it, but i think i'm totally smitten with california. life here, especially lately with all the warmth and sunshine, feels easy - even when there are so many deadlines, so much work to be done. i still have all my same complaints about this place (crowded, traffic, crime, insincerity, etc) but i'm learning to fully embrace the spirit, the greatness that exists here, and how my life has unfolded in spectacular ways in this place.

along with all the goodness of late, i've been having that self defeating thought of who do i think i am? more specifically, who do i think i am to be enjoying life so much, to have the people in my life that i do, to be doing what i love to do? oh my. it creeps in every now and again. somewhere in my life, i must have learned/accepted that life should be hard, that it shouldn't be all about enjoyment and fulfillment, unless of course you've traveled through something painful. i'm learning that i deserve every ounce of joy that i receive, that i don't have to explain it away, that everything doesn't have to be hard. i like this easy feeling....feels natural.

i'm continuing the blissed out california experience and am heading out for a few days of camping along the coast. there will be lots of eating, exploring, scrabble by the campfire, and perhaps i'll put on my wetsuit and surf (if the waves are nice and petite)!

i'll return with stories, and photos. oh yes, i've been working on a bit of a collection of sorts and will be listing these goodies on etsy when i return in a few days - totally excited about this.

have a great week, friends!

all smiles.

(i'm glad this photo (taken by mati) captures the happiness i'm feeling lately. sometimes that's hard to capture.)

i've had that summery feeling lately - the kind that has me blissed out in lazy days. i swear, i really need to get some work done, but my dear man keeps tempting me away with trips to the ocean, long walks, naps with one another in the afternoon sunshine, and on and on. it's been two years that he's been inside the tight grips of a very intense graduate school program, but it seems the last few weeks have really loosened its hold. he's almost done, and time is relaxed now - more than ever in the last 2 years. i am sooo grateful. i'm soaking up these relaxing summer days while they last. work will always be there. these days will not.

(roxanna. isn't she cute? i'm still learning how to produce a photo with extreme backlight - tricky.)

one of my portland pals, roxanna, was down for half a day. we ate the best french toast ever while catching up and making fun plans for when i get back to p-town. good times. roxanna is the girl responsible for encouraging me to train for a half-marathon a couple of years ago. of course, she didn't know at the time (neither did i) that running that half-marathon would lead me to art which led to a whole new life. in many ways, i have dear roxanna to thank for my life now. so funny how one thing leads to the next.

and friendship continues...with the lovely mati rose for conversation and snacks by the window. later that evening, we joined forces with my pals kelly and katrina for some silly tv watching and fun. i love friends. i love sunshine and summer. and i love my sweet husband who serves up all sorts of snacks and wine to me and my friends as we talk girl talk. i'm a lucky girl.

life feels full. thank you, universe. thank you! i am all smiles lately. what are you smiles about lately?

it's been a while - a list.

what inspires me:
1. people and conversation (connection), especially when john and i dream out loud together.
2. seeing things i would otherwise not notice (taking photos helps)
3. color + sunshine
4. the beginnings of friendships that i know will last forever
5. nice emails and handwritten notes
6. courteous strangers

things that crack me up:
1. when i get a recycled card in the mail from my family (long story)
2. when john spontaneously bursts into song + dance
3. america's funniest home videos
4. sillyness of all kinds, especially if it involves booty shakin'

what scares me:
1. losing someone close to me and the grief that would follow.
2. getting sick
3. losing the oomph that i feel inside - the light (even in tough times)
4. airplanes.
5. violent crime

on the dream horizon:
1. travel all over italy (after our workshop). totally doable.
2. finding our dream home in portland later this year (small bungalow with separate studio cottage in the back). this is really exciting for us right now. we're talking about it a lot. it'll happen very soon.
3. successful book release. big hope.
4. more writing - maybe another book? more articles? i can't believe it, but i'm finding myself wanting to write more.
5. painting really big works.
6. expanding my creative business - letting new ideas arrive without too much friction. (they are flowing in lately)


my favorite places on earth:
1. oregon coast (manzanita, shorty's)
2. portland, oregon
3. cinque terre, italy
4. glacier national park

issues i often have to confront/work hard at:
1. feeling left out/forgotten
2. feeling overwhelmed, without balance
3. acknowledging my own abilities/talent/inner balance
4. taking good care of myself (not just physically, but making sure i'm getting all the bits and pieces of my life that nourish me)

things i'm good at:
1. being conscious of what is working in my life/what isn't
2. celebrating - even the little things
3. making friends
4. processing/talking things out (whether it's for me or a friend)
5. intuition (how it relates to me and those around me)
6. planning/dreaming/scheming/doing/list making/researching
7. smiling. i'm a smiler.

things i'm not so good at:
1. cooking
2. planning ahead (for birthdays, holidays)
3. remembering anything
4. telling jokes (i'm the worst ever)
5. waking up early
6. geography
7. i could be a better listener. i'm working on it :)

foods i have a weakness for:
1. grilled cheese.
2. peanut butter + jelly (grape) sandwiches.
3. pasta and red sauce
4. creme brulee
5. soda pop

why i do what i do:
1. because it fills
2. because it communicates.
3. because it connects.
4. because it feels like me

thoughts on liking this skin.

one of my goals this year was to really slow down and concentrate on wellness, on taking better care of myself - no matter what deadlines i faced or how much pressure i put on myself to set goals, meet those goals, and enjoy every second of the journey while doing so (yikes). it's now May (time is flying) and as i walked home from the gym today i realized that i'm holding onto that promise to myself. i feel like i have a new + improved life - one in which i have a bit more control and happiness. i'm getting more sleep. i'm working out with a trainer (feeling stronger physically). i'm taking my vitamins and eating blueberries (new to me). i'm having more fun as i work on balancing all aspects of my life. i'm making plans for the future while still being present here and now. i'm totally settled into life here in california, and loving it (a small miracle in my life). i even made an appt with a dermatologist in hopes of getting some help with my hyperpigmentation (hello, sun damage). i feel more whole. more me. more centered. of course, some days are better than others, but i'm liking this skin.

i feel hopeful. and that feels really, really good (creatively, too).

thank you guys for all the pre-orders the last couple of days. i am overwhelmed in goodness right now, in blessings that hold tight.

can i share with you where i've been lately? a picture story.....

i've been practicing with my new camera. oh man, loving it. these roses are from the secret garden mati and i found a couple of weeks ago. roses are popping up everywhere around here. it's really nice to see.
went hunting for seaglass, and found several small pieces, but i look forward to the day when i stumble upon big blue pieces of seaglass - one day.
sometimes, i'll find bella just like this - all snuggled with her beloved sock monkey (atop our bed, of course). i also love it when her ears are out like this, like she's taking flight. she's getting older now - 8 years.
and finally, my latest heart find. do you see it? once you find it, it's so, so clear - just like love itself.

xo

a pre-order giveaway!

For those of you who didn't get my newsletter last week, I wanted to let you know that I am now accepting pre-orders for my book (finally!). Details below on how to get your signed copy (and perhaps a free painting, too)!

*************************************

PRE-ORDER YOUR SIGNED COPY TODAY
(and perhaps win an original painting)

(price = $30)

(if you are having trouble with the button above, please see blog sidebar for another button)

Your book will arrive signed by me and I'll include a frameable small fine art print (limited-edition, size 5x7). And there's more: I'll be giving away a mid-sized original painting to one lucky person. Could it be you? All you have to do to enter the giveaway is pre-order your signed copy of Taking Flight and an original painting may arrive on your doorstep with your book!

Of course, you can always pre-order it through amazon, but it won't arrive with the special touches. Thank you so, so much. My heart is huge with gratitude from this experience. Release date is officially mid August.

Feel free to contact me with any questions or if you would prefer to send a check.

****************************

STRECH YOUR WINGS * LEARN TO SOAR * TAKE FLIGHT

In Taking Flight, you'll find overflowing inspiration - complete with a kindred spirit in author and mixed-media artist Kelly Rae Roberts. Join her on a fearless journey into the heart of creativity as you test your wings and learn to find the sacred in the ordinary, honor your memories, speak your truth and wrap yourself in the arms of community.

Along the way you'll be inspired by:
*Step-by-step technques - learn the most-loved mixed-media methods of the author and seven talented contributing artists, and combine them in fresh and unexpected ways.
*Thought-provoking prompts and quotes - along with encouraging stories, insights and gentle guidance for finding your bliss, whatever your art or craft.
*Plenty of eye candy - pages and pages of the author's endearing artwork, along with the varied works of contributors.

Of course, learning to fly isn't a step-by-step process - sooner or later, you just need to take a deep breath and spread your wings. With Taking Flight as your guide, there's no doubt that when you do, your creativity will soar.

******************************************

I also wanted to thank you for supporting me in this journey. Writing this book was an experience I will always remember - much of it written about here in this blog - from the beginning, through all the edits, to where it stands now: just three short months until release. I am very, very aware that this space, and all of you, helped carry me along the way.
(Thank you)

today, i watched this video. i was totally in it - taken, mesmerized. toward the end, i cried along with the speaker - a brave, and smart woman. if you have some time (18 minutes) to get quiet and watch it, then do. you won't want to miss it. (thank you ali and stephanie for sending it to me).

also, my favorite maker of extraordinary hearts finally has a new website. you must check it out.

speaking of hearts, sometimes you guys send emails with your latest heart shape. i love getting these and wanted to share some recents:

sent in by brooke. extraordinary.

by katherine (this one cracks me up).

by cynthia (so sweet).

by katrina (the perfect heart path).

by melly (another perfect beauty).

love, licensing, cameras, greetings, and more

john arrived home the other day with flowers - no reason, just because. my heart and life and soul are warm with how i feel about this man and how i feel when i'm around him. we're in a good spot right now - in a space of a marriage where the love feels extraordinary and huge. don't you treasure those weeks where you can't get enough of your mate? me, too. it's funny, the waves of life. of marriage. of love. of passion. i remember several years ago having a conversation with my bff about how i think it's remarkable how the world gives us the exact person and mate that we need in our lives to heal ourselves. i've written about this before somewhere in the depths of this blog, but i think about it often - how john has gifted me, just by being who he is, with the opportunity to face all i've ever needed face, but inside the circle of love, not fear. i do the same for him. i think it's magic. the kind of magic that leaves me stunned with wonder.

on a totally different note, i bought a new camera this week and have now entered the canon rebel xti world. oh my. i'm loving all the photo taking, the experimenting, the learning. it totally has my creative attention right now. i can't get over the colors, the saturation, the quality. by the way, if you are a digital slr girl, i'd love to know what your favorite lenses are. i'm smitten. yes, i am.

i also wanted to thank you guys for scooping up just about all of the 100+ cards in about a day and half. wow. all orders were shipped today or yesterday so they'll be there soon! speaking of prints, i just signed a licensing contract with a huge national company - what's the product, you ask? wall art - all sorts of groupings and sizes - all of which will be available in stores nationwide early next year. so far away, but super exciting for me at the moment.

the other day i ran into a stranger at a cafe. "hey baby, how you doin?" she asked in a warm motherly way. "good, i'm good. how are you?" i responded. "blessed, darling, i'm blessed," she said. a little piece of me melted as i thought, "me, too." no more stale "i'm good's" and "i'm fine's". it's all about "i'm blessed" because it's honest and it's true. yep.

oh yes, one more thing. i dreamt about painting last nite (love these kinds of dreams). ideas are coming. colors are calling me. i went to dick blick and bought a HUGE canvas. huge. totally excited.

thoughts on creative burnout

loving sundays. loving them.

did i mention that a few weeks ago i was experiencing a bit of extreme burnout? i hadn't experienced this sort of level before - the kind where i absolutely dreaded the idea of doing anything that had to do with painting, blogging, writing, and art business stuff (marketing, planning, producing, etc). it was harsh, this feeling of wanting to give it all up - to return to my life before all of this: to a full-time dayjob, to workouts and dinners after work, to more free time, to weekends again. so yes, i was done and done. in the depths of my heart i knew i wasn't really done and that i didn't really want to give it up. but i also knew i needed a bit of rest. so resting is the gift i've given myself these last few weeks, and oh my, it feels really, really good. this burnout thing was totally new to me - the trueness of being totally uninspired/tired/blah was asking me to pay attention, to not force anything, to let. it. go.

what i've learned in the last couple of weeks is this: that i am not alone. that there's a lot of creative burnout out in the world. that we need to give ourselves permission to not only feel it, but to sit with it, face its direction, acknowledge it, then take action. for me, taking action has meant rest. it's meant removing the internal pressure to create, to make, to produce. it's meant being with my friends, spending great amounts of time with john, reading, watching movies, doing the dishes - slowly and peacefully - same goes for laundry and other mundane chores. it's meant simply being happy in a space where i'm not doing, creating, planning. most of all, it's meant pacing myself so that my days feel more fulfilling and not all work.

so yes, not only has creative burnout given me permission to rest but it's also gifted me with a bit of perspective. life feels a bit slower now - even with inspiration and art life reemerging this past week or so. i feel more blessed. more grateful. more appreciative of all that has come my way. in the end, there is growth in everything..even burnout. thank you, burnout. you rock.

what burdens/burnout/mishaps have gifted your life in unexpected ways this week?

cards (finally) and a bit of silly.

you guys have been asking for them, and they're finally here - i've listed what seems like a million cards in my etsy shop. no, really it's just a little over 100, but still - a ton of cards. i think they're rather cute and they're super high quality - just like my regular prints, but card size. i think they'd make great everyday cards (they're blank inside), but i also think they would make great little framed collections, like in a frame like this. either way, get em' while you can as i won't be listing hand-made cards again any time soon. check em out!

i've also added these new prints to my etsy shop, too.

spent the day on the computer doing etsy updates, website updates, and on and on. sometimes, i really like these task-oriented days. today was a good one.

also had a heart to heart with john. i love that boy.

today, my trainer said "i need to give you some words." he then went into an endearing, but funny explanation: "words" meaning "internal dialogue" meaning "pump yourself up words" meaning "a mantra" for when you really need to push yourself. it all had me daydreaming about gathering a collection of what we all say to ourselves when we really need to push through something that is physically hard. i bet many of our "words" are hilarious. i used to say to myself "suck it up, girly, suck it up" and then i moved on to "fight for this. remember, you want jennifer aniston arms!" and then it was "you can do this. you will do this. you are doing this!" anyway, i have no idea where this is coming from (i'm totally cracking myself up over here), but feel free to join in the crack-ups and list your "words" - i'd love to know. maybe you can help me with finding new ones.

i'm all sillyness tonight...

l.o.v.e.

i am loved.
and
so
are
you.

more books!

i wanted to let you know of two books coming out soon that i was lucky to be a small part of. the first book is cate prato's (cate is one of cloth/paper/scissors' wonderful editors) book called Mixed-Media Self Portraits. this book includes self portrait artwork from several artists, essays, creative prompts, and techniques. i have a painting included in this book (it's on the cover, too!) as well as an essay that explores using self portraits in our artwork as a means toward more meaningful creativity. if you look closely, you'll see a photo of me (as a baby), my momma, and even my beloved dog Bella on the cover of this book - so fun. you can pre-order this book here.
the second book is LK's latest book, True Vision: Authentic Art Journaling. it's also available for pre-order on amazon. totally excited about this book and happy to have a new painting inside its pages. LK is a huge inspiration to me and she taught one of the first creative workshops i've ever attended - a gentle, soulful woman. this book is all about authentic and meaningful art journaling and showcases the work of over 25 artists. i hope you check it out!

life has been feeling refreshingly normal lately. no major deadlines looming, no huge projects on the horizon, no internal pressure to do or to accomplish. just regular life that involves john, my dog, reading, friend dates, the gym (have i mentioned that i signed up for several personal training sessions - totally hilarious), and even television (totally hooked to american idol and the bachelor right now - i know, i know). i haven't felt compelled to paint since artfest and i'm just going with it - waiting for the inspiration to return. it will, but i'm not going to force it. i do have one very exciting possibility in the wings - and oh i can't wait to share details (hopefully very soon)!

things are feeling a bit quiet in blog world. how are you guys doing?

dinner pARTy goodness...

(photo by the lovely sprout's mister of a gathering of women [and two men] in their home)

i went to a dinner party last night in san fran, hosted by the adorable jenifer. i was totally mesmerized when i walked into her live+work space/loft that she shares with her man. it was warm with color, creativity, openness and a sweet little black dog. the evening was a gathering of women who live the life of artmaking, and who share bits and pieces of that journey on their blogs. we also had a lovely niece, a husband, and a friend from out of town join us for the fun. total joy. met some new friends and was inspired by the conversation. they're all accomplished, honest, sincere creative spirits and i was honored to be a part of the gathering. jenifer even gifted us with cute party favors, and even sweet hand-made necklaces (check out her etsy shop..full on goodness).

it's on evenings like these that i am reminded how wonderful it feels to be in the company of other women who understand the importance of a collective creative energy. it's the best feeling, this expanding of community that, over time, feels deep and wide. and it also reminds me how this little ol' blog of mine has given me the opportunity to connect with some pretty amazing souls - how it starts online, then spills over into real and true life and friendship. pretty cool.

so yes, i made a couple new san fran friends last night. happiness. more photos here and here.

in other news, john has a new + improved schedule, allowing us more time together than we've had in many, many months. we've been sharing meals together, movies together, and even just lazy days in our home together. we're catching up, returning to our groove, and i'm loving every second of it. it's hard to believe all of this will be over this fall -this crazy, ever changing life that is living in california.

more soon (i know i've been somewhat of a lazy blogger lately)..
xo

business slumber party and other thankfuls

so, mati and i had a total working slumber party at my place last night. it was her idea, and i'm thinking they are the best thing ever. our evening included wine, an italian meal (while we continued to daydream about this italian adventure), a shameless viewing of The Bachelor (we're thinking shane is pretty adorable with her blush brush out on the slopes), and girlie "omg's" as we unapologetically watched more than one episode of The Hills (spencer = eww). it's been awhile since i've had a slumber party at my place. it was so much joy.

today, all day from morning to evening, we sat by the windows in the white wicker chairs and worked. it was a business date, side by side, as we schemed, plotted, dreamed, made lists, sent emails, and promised to hold one another accountable to our goals. we took breaks to eat, go for a walk (on which we discovered a pretty big secret garden so secret i never noticed it before - and it's directly across the street!), and discuss matters of the heart. it was a productive day. a friendship day. a really good day. totally going to have more of those.

more thankfuls:
1. john and i celebrated 9 years together last week. i was in a haze (sick) but we'll celebrate this weekend. i am so proud of us - more on that later.
2. a long conversations with my bff gina and with my friend stephanie - both ladies who totally understand my neuroses.
3. for change. that we change and evolve and grow up and out and all of that is ok. i'm really loving the idea that it's ok to move on in ways that are good for us, even if it means we're leaving something behind - that that 'something' served a very good purpose at a specific time in our lives, and now it's ok to move ahead without it. it's a way of honoring all meaningful bits and pieces of a life even when the meaning isn't so full or present anymore. it all matters.

feels really, really good

an awakening. it's been happening somewhere in the turmoil of the last couple of weeks. i've realized that i've lost something i needed to lose. and though i've had this feeling before, it seems more saturated in real and permanence and 'ok, i get it'. it was a longing before, a wanting to feel a certain way but not quite understanding it. i think i got it now. and i'm holding tight.

with a little bit of intention, circumstance, and luck, i put the brakes on many things in my life that didn't feel good: the computer. overly checking my email. worry about other people. alarm clocks. analysis of self. wondering how i can be and do better/more/faster. checking my stats and other meaningless websites. my to-do list. expectation. answering my emails in a timely manner. mind chatter. in some ways it feels too easy, this letting go. where's the anxiety? the restlessness? the friction? again, i think being away and then arriving home sick and out of order were blessings being born - a forced way for me to get some perspective. and now that i'm several days into this new experience, i seem to have a lot of time. it feels pure this being right where i am, who i am. i wish it for everyone i know. and i hope it lasts.

thoughts on wellness, illness

i am sitting her atop my bed looking out onto the many windows in front of me. it's dusk and the smallness of the light is still coming in with a gentle warmth. i am feeling very, very peaceful - something that has been working it's way thru the trenches of my body and soul these last couple of weeks and finally, finally, seems to have made its appearance. i'm hoping it will stay for awhile, make a home.

i arrived home from artfest exhausted and sick. john says i've had 'a touch' of the flu this week, and i wish to never have 'the touch' ever again. it's been a week of body aches, uncomfortable sleep, weakness, and all sorts of ailments i'll spare the details of here. but i will say that being gone for a week coupled with this week, with all its yuck aside, has given me the gift of perspective and distance.

in between my sneezing, coughing, and medicated naps, i've been making joyous plans for when i feel better - the things i want to change, the things i don't. i've enjoyed the time away from the computer, from work, from self-imposed pressure. i love how feeling ill gives us perspective. about what really matters. about how we really want to live. for me, the message came thru loud and clear this week: focus on what feels very real in your life.

got it.

i was a little off track, but now, now i got it. thank you, sickness. thank you, wellness.

ps - please head over to my friend jen's blog and see what's been happening over there. your spirits will be so, so lifted.

xo

artfest 2008 - grab a cup of tea

where to start? i have been sitting/sleeping here on my red couch for hours, completely doped up on cold meds, waiting waiting waiting for a moment of clarity so i can pour out the contents of my artfest experience here in this space. bear with me as i spill....honest parts, tearful parts, joy-filled parts. all of it.

i am finding that each year i attend artfest, a different personal theme emerges for me. the first year i attended (2006), i came home totally transformed and began a new life as a person who embraced her creativity. the second year i attended i came home with a solid sense of a growing creative community - something that had me feeling grounded in support as i continued to reach and grow. this year, i arrived feeling tender in ways that were hard to explain and capture and it seemed the emotion of it would overflow for me (even in times of trying to contain it all inside) as i tried to navigate exactly what it was i was feeling that first day or so at artfest. when it came down to it (when i got very honest with myself), i realized that i was feeling a bit isolated even in the midst of the very community i worked so hard to find and create. i had strange and ugly feelings of envy as my friends around me seemed to be bonding and connecting in meaningful ways as i wondered how and if i belonged. i hadn't felt this before but here i was, sitting around a large table of joyous faces and community, feeling a bit disconnected and unimportant which had nothing to do with any of them, and everything to do with me.

liz, my dearest art pal and who i have traveled deep and wide with along the creative journey, listened to me struggle with all of this and all i could think about during that tearful conversation (and even now) was this arabian proverb: "a friend is one to whom one can pour out all the contents of one's heart, chaff and grain together, knowing that the gentlest of hands will take and sift it, keeping what is worth keeping, and, with the breath of kindness, blow the rest away. "

so, if i'm being honest, then i will say that artfest started off a bit rocky for me this year, but by thursday evening, i was feeling more of myself and embracing the experience, emotion and all. i think a lot of this has to do with that feeling i've mentioned lately about growing up. in some ways, i'm feeling the pains of a bit more independence in my creative life and in my personal life. i'm a sensitive girl.

(my mom and liz. can you see the joy?)

on to all the good stuff:
the best part, hands down, was having this experience with my mom. she had the BEST time, was totally in her element, and loved every minute of her experience. i was the proud daughter as she gushed about what she had learned that day in her class, all the ideas and inspiration that were coming to her, the friends she was making, and on and on. so yeah, my mom is totally addicted to artfest now. so cool. it was also really special to me to share this experience with her. i wanted her to see the place where it all started for me. i wanted her to meet my friends. i wanted her to feel the infectious joy that lives in this place and community. i'm so glad she came.

i loved seeing and sharing meals with many of my friends, including judy (who taught for the first time this year and you would not believe the extraordinary art that was born from her classes. judy is also an endearing, sensitive soul who gives the best advice), diane (who i didn't get to talk to nearly enough but whose spirit is always calming to me), katie (whose happy face had me grinning each time i saw her. her students also did amazing work), misty (who i adore, always), kim (whose exuberance is undeniable), christina, and of course liz elayne (who gets me).

as always, i loved the energy at artfest. the crazy uniqueness. the funky people. the warm spirits. the cars that have poetry magnets all over them. the openness of laughter and joy and tears and emotion. it's exhausting and perfect all at once. and every years it's unlike anything i've ever experienced. it's a few days of women gathering in a space where they can be themselves. it's fluttering conversations. sweet, honest glances. creative stretching. it's ideas and inspiration being born just when you thought you were dry. it's magic.

also loved spending some time with new friends including ali edwards (who my mom also adored) and her pals dona and jill and emily. i enjoyed sharing meals and chats with blue poppy and her friend mindy (loved all these ladies), michelle (whose poetry and words blew me away), and many many more friendly faces.

vendor nite was a crazy frenetic evening as always - loved meeting so many bloggers and new faces. there were a few tears as a couple of women connected with a painting or two on my table. made my heart warm and the tears just kept coming for me, too (good ones).

i very much loved my classes this year and can't wait to show photos of what i made. i even took a poetry writing class which was so out of my element but really good for me to try something new. next to me on the wall in my poetry class was this image (love the message):
so yes, there you have it. in the end, i am richer because of this experience, more whole, more fulfilled, more me. i am learning, navigating, taking flight into territory that sometimes feels muddied, emotional, confusing, but in the end very, very joyous and real. i will always love artfest. always. it is every emotion tied up in one.

more photos soon of class projects and peeps...

oh yes, one more thing! i meant to share this before i left for artfest - my book cover - designed by the talented marissa. here it is!! it's really, really happening. information on pre-orders coming soon (sign up for the newsletter on my website if you'd like to stay informed on details).

homeward bound

(my trades for artfest - magnets. oh i love these)

i'm ready for familiar faces and artmaking and shared meals with new friends. i'm ready for the northwest cold, the rain, and to wear my brown boots with tights. i'm so ready for time with my mom, with myself in the place i call home (portland), and for stillness inside the wonderful frenetic energy that is artfest. yep, totally ready. i'm especially ready for the many smiles and hugs and joyous reunions with my friends.

see you guys in a week. and thank you for bearing with my moodiness as of late. for so many reasons, including many many good ones, i've felt a bit tender lately. sometimes trying to live consciously and truly witness one's life can feel muddy inside all the joy. and there is SO much joy.

xo

crummy + conflicted = sucks.

5 things to do that will make you feel extra crummy and conflicted:
1. struggle with your ego and impulsively send an email or two that you regret the moment you hit 'send.'
2. worry about #1 over and over as you wonder if you made a mistake.
3. force yourself to paint even if you don't want to - takes the joy out of it
4. place very high expectations on yourself which will only leave you feeling disappointed when you can't meet those expectations
5. feel humble (not in the joyous, the-world-is-awesome way, but rather the who-do-i-think-i-am way).

5 things to do to get your head out of crummy and conflicted:
1. be gentle. we all make mistakes. we all want validation. we all let our ego get in the way of our most authentic selves. i suppose we're always learning. me, too. especially me, too.
2. enjoy the breakfast your sweet husband made you.
3. listen to music while you do tedious tasks
4. make chocolate chip cookies
5. take small steps away from your mistakes and into knowing better

spaces

looking up, i'm always amazed and happy. spirits lifted. heavy heart lifted.

it's getting messy in my small space as i try to finish 7 more paintings for artfest. been working on trades, too. and prints...and cards...for vendor nite. leaving on monday for portland for a couple days then onward to washington - all with my momma. can't wait. really feeling ready for a trip. i love trips, especially the kind involving a car + open road = road trip.

softening

(whenever i do butterfly wings like this, they are totally inspired by friend misty mawn)

nearing the end of 2 months without john, the emotion of holding it all together completely and unexpectedly dropped, leaving me in knots and messy emotion that spilled over into a morning conversation. out of nowhere, i feel the enormity of a life very, very different from before. allowing myself the mixture of emotions that take up the space of any given day, i've learned to float in and out of whatever comes my way - joy, overwhelm, excitement, disappointment - to feel all these things deeply but to let the breath of it slip away and allow gentle spaces for what's next. sometimes floating in and out comes easy and leaves me feeling well rounded and in touch, and other times i get stuck at overwhelm. i sit with it awhile, let the tears come, talk it out with my husband (who totally gets me), then continue floating. i'm an emotional girl. i'm embracing it. it doesn't mean i'm attached or firmly identified with any one emotion. it just means i feel deeply in all directions. it means i've learned to embrace my vulnerabilities as the very thing that connects me to any other person who crosses my path and also to the best parts of myself. it means i can be and feel all things and still be whole and together and smart and fun. it's strength and emotion all at once. that's where i'm at today. i'm still learning that i have what feels like two different realms. one where i have wonderful and exciting things happening in my creative life and loving every minute of it. and one where i deeply miss my husband who is doing his sincere best to be available, but circumstance has us having to work harder than ever before at staying connected and being present in our shared joys and struggles. given the situation, we're totally kicking some bootie. but i'm just saying...it comes with days and weeks of reminding ourselves to be gentle with our lives, with ourselves, and with each other - to let it all come and go without a ton of resistance. as a wise friend recently wrote to me, we must let the world soften us. so, so true and something i've been thinking a lot about.