(large painting. it reads she was grateful for the brightness of being alive)
in the spaces of the friction, i feel deeply loved. and protected. i'm just a girl navigating the next step, intimacy vs armor, creative longings, and some pretty intense pressure. sometimes it all feels like a whirlwind with unseen forces spiraling toward me, at me, all around. the energy is good, but overwhelming. my linear brain can't make sense, my creative side frazzled and undone. my gratitude is huge, but i sometimes feel lonely, like i'm pioneering a new road for myself as i try to grab ahold of what's left to keep from behind. it's all very hard to wrap my head around. the language comes in broken stream, both to my heart and to those i hold close.
still, my friends call, and my husband gently tends. i try to explain. i explain my way through. and through again. i accept the comfort, all of it. i allow myself the tears, the release. and try very very hard not to restrict myself to only five minutes of falling apart, but perhaps more time. our hearts don't work well with deadlines, i remind myself. through all the muck, i'm acutely aware of the shine and sheen of my life. and i'm grateful beyond measure for the brightness of my crazy life, of being alive. i'm one lucky girl, cracked open heart and all.