taking flight into art, love, and life (the blog)

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

three years into painting...some thoughts

graceful wings_cropped
(it reads, "graceful wings, graceful spirit, discovered." -->print available here)

sometimes, i can't believe i found art just 3 years ago. in some ways, it makes me sad to think i lived through all of my 20s without it. i was just out there floating around, waiting for the right circumstance when i would finally bump into myself. of course, i also know that everything that happened in my 2os, including all of my work in the social work field, has led to a perfect marriage with my artwork. so i'm grateful, but still. i wish i had been making art in my 20s.

when i was in highschool, i remember my art teacher telling me how surprised she was that a local curator had chosen one of my drawings for a small student show in my city. i remember being so excited that my work was chosen, but also deflated by my art teacher's response. her surprise wasn't in the form of "wow, congratulations, kelly!" but rather, "i'm not sure why yours was chosen, but it was." i didn't attend the opening. in fact, i never told anyone that my piece was one of the few that had been chosen. as time went on, i remember having the distinct feeling in highschool and college that the arts were for people more talented than me, for people who seemed to know what they were doing, or for those who out-shined me in drawing and painting. my heart yearned to be one of them, but i didn't believe i was. not even close.

all of these years later i still know that there will always be people who are more talented, who really do know what they're doing, and who really do out shine me in painting + drawing. but what i've learned is that all it takes is a bit of passion, courage, and commitment to make a dream come true. anything is possible.

three years into painting, i'm starting to believe that not knowing what i'm doing has actually been a bit of a gift. i've been so naive and green and unaware of that giant mountain i've been climbing that in some ways, i've been protected by the cynicism and judgement that often come with trying to make a dream come true. but the truth is is that keeping that beginner's mind is starting to be a struggle. the deeper i step into this life, the harder it gets to stay open + connected to what wants/needs to be expressed. tricky, tricky. but i'm up for the challenge. i hope to always be making art because it feels like a living dream. it really does.




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