how it sets you free

some quick observations about this crazy week:

-you weren't kidding when you said we'd spend hours upon hours staring at our baby.
-we think he looks just like the two of us.
-we are a serious team. and we are so much stronger together than we've ever known.
-a wise friend told me i need to tell baby True's birth story over and over again until i have processed and healed, processed and healed. i think this will take awhile. i'm just now realizing its impact.
-we are asking for help and it feels really good to take it
-we couldn't have asked for better providers (midwives, nurses, and on and on) during our four days at the hospital. especially our lactation consultant, wendy, who came every single day and showed us how it all works. or rosie, our l+d nurse, who would say in the most calm voice "that's the way" when i was just about to give up. or lea, one of nurses who heard an inconsolable baby True in the middle of the nite and came to our rescue with a few tricks up her sleeves.
-the moby wrap is our best friend
-i never thought we could operate on this little sleep and this many tears.
-that extreme frustration and extreme joy co-exist just perfect side by side
-you are seriously cute. and you looovvveeee breastfeeding.
-i do not like anything about the word "engorge"
-i never knew that breastfeeding made you so acutely tired. crazy. tired on top of tired.
-singing random christmas songs at all hours of the nite is hilarious even when it's a last ditch effort to stop the crying (which didn't work)
-we've unearthed new parts of ourselves this week. strong, tender, joyous, parts
-we are celebrating every single tiny bit of progress like the time we figured how to get a good burp out of you. who knew burping was so tricky, true?

and most importantly:
-surrendering is surrendering, even if if you are surrendering to love. it's powerful, hard, life changing, vulnerable, yet it feels like it sets you free. like truth. like how truth sets you free. but in this case, it's a baby boy named True.