gratitude

earlier this week, i went out to the oregon coast with john and his pal (and the dogs) for a day trip. they surfed and i took photos. and soaked up the sunshine. and took a nap. and wrote the following gratitude list:

totally thankful for:

- watching my husband inside his passion: surfing with his bffs, being near the ocean, and appreciating these moments of stillness. he is happiest when in the water on a longboard. i love witnessing this part of him.

- a long dinner with an old high school friend that i haven't seen in nearly 10 years. she just moved to portland and that makes me happy happy.

- another visit from one of my seattle peeps that came down for the day. we shared the most energetic meal together and went for a walk and a tour of our home. i have missed seeing friends these last many weeks as i went into deep focus on ecourse adventures.

-that we live near views like this. i will never get over it.

- our happy teal painted home, even with all the ups and downs of the renovation experience.

- receiving the most delightful and thoughtful packages in the mail

- baby kicks in the womb. they are starting to tickle. for real.

- for 2 hour phone calls with demdaco - wait until you guys see what's coming down the pipe for jan 2011 and june 2011. i am more excited than ever about the products we're releasing.

- donuts. i just can't get enough.

- a spontaneous visit from pal, stephanie lee. so fun to see her, even if only for 30 minutes. here we are on the front porch of our home. those flip flops are actual evidence of actual warmth in portland. finally!

- driving around with wide open windows.

- my morning tea. it's the only daily ritual or routine i have anymore. i'm holding on for dear life.

- good music. lately, it's been old standbys: wilco, deb talan, ani difranco, beastie boys, mason jennings.

- for feeling energetic as i enter the last trimester. thank you, universe! i've had many late nites over here and i'm so thankful that i have the energy and inspiration at the moment.

- for my parents who are coming out to help us move and unpack later this month.

- for community. it feels like my community has exploded and deepened these last five weeks. i have so much so say about this. more soon!

Nepenthe, by Andrea Scher (a guest post)

hi friends! while i continue to focus on my e-course (which i'm loving in so many ways) and house renovations, i've asked a few friends to guest post over here in this space from time to time. their posts will be mixed in with my usual (though less frequent) postings for two more weeks.

i'm so happy to have andrea scher visiting us for today's guest post. recently i was on the phone with her when she told me this amazing story (the story below) and i think i said something like, "andrea, you have the best stories." and she does. she's one of those rare people who holds so much wisdom inside of her everyday life stories - so many morsels and good juicy bits - the stuff you remember through and through. i love that she's so aware and intentional about what she chooses to see. and what she sees is beauty and stories everywhere. and her story today is a perfect example of that spirit. thank you, andrea for sharing!

i'll be back with regular posting later this week!

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Nepenthe, dictionary, Canon Digital Rebel XSi

Back in college I had the big breakup. You know the one. The one that brings you to your knees, where you can't speak for days, where the anguish is so crushing you don't know if you'll ever recover. It was a love at first sight kind of thing --spotted each other in a coffee shop and three espressos later we were shacked up for the next two years. If there is such a thing as past lives, I'm sure we must have known each other in many. It has taken nearly twenty years to exorcise this guy from my psyche, still making cameo appearances in my dreams all this time later.

Anyway, this is the kind of breakup I was recovering from and it was not pretty. I was crushed, crying every day, in such deep grief I didn't know if I would survive. Right around this time I met Dan. He was funny and adorable and loved to take photos as much as I did. I agreed to go out with him because he made me laugh and forget my troubles. We played, went on photo safaris, did road trips and cracked each other up. And then, just as quickly as he had waltzed in, he left. Stood me up for a movie, had lots of good excuses, and a few days later fessed up and told me that the ex-girlfriend had come back into town and he was "really confused."

I was just "really angry." We broke up and I was furious that I had dared to open my heart again. Even just a little bit. I felt duped, both by him and by the universe, and I was overwhelmed that all of my wounds that had begun to scab over were being ripped open again.

I remember flopping on the couch in total exasperation and anger, tears pouring down my face, and asking god, the room, whoever was listening, WHY DID THAT ASSHOLE HAVE TO COME INTO MY LIFE? (I think I actually asked this at full volume to the empty house) And because I sometimes played a game where I asked the dictionary a question and opened randomly to get my answer, that's what I did in this moment. I grabbed the dictionary and asked again through my blinding tears, Why did Dan come into my life?

The word I got was nepenthe: A grief banishing drug; something that eases sorrow or pain.

My breath caught in my throat. Oh my god, I thought. Dan was my nepenthe. He had gifted me six glorious weeks of healing laughter. He had pulled me out of one of the darkest places I had ever gone. He wasn't supposed to stick around. He was supposed to be a simple gift.

And in that moment, perhaps for the first time in my life, my heart was awash in forgiveness. All I had was total gratitude for this boy and to the universe for bringing him when I needed him most. I still think of him with so much appreciation.

Yesterday I had coffee with the incredible Romney Steele. Her grandparents opened the restaurant (the phenomenon really) called Nepenthe in Big Sur. I've just started reading her beautiful book about growing up there and I highly recommend it.

And of course I love the title. It's called My Nepenthe.

on why knocking on a stranger's door can be very awesome

(our house when we bought it.)

my mom always told me that when it came time to paint the exterior of a house, that i should drive around, find a house i loved, and knock on their door and ask for their paint colors. she's been telling me this since i was a teenager and it's exactly how she's found her house colors throughout the years.

when it came time to paint our little bungalow we were considering my mom's advice. when i told our contractor that we would be driving around looking at house colors, he suggested going to the wealthiest part of town and looking at those house colors. his reasoning? the people living in the wealthiest of neighborhoods could afford designers with good color sense.

my intuition told me otherwise. so instead, we headed straight for the artsy neighborhoods (belomont, alberta, hawthorne) which are NOT the wealthiest of neighborhoods. one thing i've always loved about portland is the variety of home colors here. it's absolutely not unusual to see bright green houses, pink houses, purple houses and so on. they're tastefully done and it's a great way to brighten up a city where it rains all of the time.

and so, we drove around and we eventually stopped at this house. we thought it was charming - even with it's weathered porch and paint. we loved the color. and so, i got up my courage and knocked on the door and guess what? the sweetest littlest oldest lady ever answered the door. she was in her housecoat. i introduced myself, told her we loved her home colors and did she know what they were. she did not, but she sweetly offered some paint chips that had fallen to the ground (like i said, it wasn't the best paint job but it was the color that we loved). we chatted for awhile and i have a feeling that my unexpected visit was a good start to her morning and she was SO FLATTERED that we wanted her exact colors.

and so off we went to Benjamin Moore paint to find a color match with those little paint chips she let us gather from the ground. and then i showed them to our contractor who threw his hands up in the air. and then the house got painted. and then we beamed. and jumped for joy. and our neighbors came over to tell us how much they love it too. but even if our neighbors didn't love it (and i'm sure they don't ALL love it), we love it. it makes us smile wide. it's a happy house. and following our own beat and intuition, against all fancy designer house color advice, is the only way to go. the only way.

we still have quite a bit of trim/foundation painting to do, but you get the general idea. i love how the green of the grass works with the teal. i love how the color of the roof matches the color of the door and how it has a fun artsy coastal beachy feel. for those of you who want to know, these are the colors:

benjamin moore mill springs blue (main house)

benjamin moore dove white (trim)

benjamin moore iron mountain (accent color - it's like a dark charcoal brown)

house reno tour!

here i am in our new temporary place - 25 weeks preggers.

things are still a little wild and unbalanced over here but i'm trying to let it all go, embrace the chaos, and move along with an open heart. i was reminded on my birthday (i turned 35 on on father's day!) that we're so often living in the future (i'll do xyz when our house is done being renovated, when we have a baby, when the e-course is over, when when when). but really i want to be in the very center of where i'm at right now. because where i'm at right now is in the middle of my life's living dreams. it's so remarkable. i don't want to miss anything.

i wanted to give you guys a photo update on our house renovation! things are still moving along FAST and we are learning tons throughout this process. i can't help but wonder if all the lessons we are learning while renovating this house will serve us when we're new parents. the biggest being: letting go of our timelines, constantly adjusting expectations, having to give up control to a million variables that we can't simply make nice and tidy, working together as a team, and patiently juggling a lot of multi-tasking of this massive project while working our full-time jobs and focusing on preparing for a child. man o man.

in the end, i know it will worth it and it seems like we're getting to the REALLY fun phase of picking out paint colors (exterior paint done tomorrow - can't wait to share!). we have about five more weeks left...can barely believe it. this is seriously a dream in many ways! i love love love this old cozy 1911 bungalow.

okay, a photo update tour for you!

remember the story of this wall? how we started to scrap off the paint only to find some pretty amazing patchworked wallpaper? this is what it looks like today:

john has been scraping and scraping some more and boy do we LOVE IT - looks like an old map or one of my collaged painting backgrounds. we still have quite a bit more of scraping to do, but we're in love! we decided to sheetrock under the chair rail molding - still not sure what color that will be but above is how it looks today! pretty cool, eh?

unfortunately we couldn't save these walls in another bedroom. we tried, but as of today all this gorgeous old wallpaper has been covered up with sheetrock and primed for painting. so sad!

here's a sequence of photos showing what the living room into the dining room into the kitchen looked like the day we bought the place to today...

we have walls, people! and inside those walls are updated electrical, plumbing, insulation (we found old phone books and newspapers being used as insulation in the walls when we ripped them down!), and the floors have been sanded! and check out those windows in the kitchen! still so much to do including casing the walkways with molding, trim work througout, built-ins, lighting, floor varnishing, etc etc but we are getting there and fast!

here's the kitchen tour:

here's the kitchen the day we bought the house. that's sponge painted linoleum flooring (ugh!) and the kitchen was TINY. it also had this odd space on the opposite wall:

we decided to totally gut the kitchen, expand its size, and start over. here's what it looked like last week:

those five spaces are place holders for windows and that giant piece of plywood on the right will be a dutch door (OMG!!!). they all look out onto the back yard. underneath the windows will be the sink and countertops. the wall that you can't see on the left will be for fridge, stove, etc.

and here's what the kitchen looked like today:

windows are in! it's going to be awesome....and we are going to have an island. a kitchen island!

here's a photo tour of the attic which we're turning into a master suite. here's what it looked like on day one with its painted orange floors and thin plywood walls with zero insulation behind the walls:

and here's the same view today:

we have skylights and closet spaces and sanded floors and that nook back there with the windows is a master bath in the making. and the walls you see are brand new. we totally gutted this attic and started over completely with electrical, insulation, walls, etc etc

here's another view:

and here's a view from the opposite end:

on the other side of the plastic on the left is an awesome shower. the toilet will be on the right. still lots of work to do but i love how it's coming together. it feels like a cozy fort of up here!

whew! so, there you have it. we're in week 6 of this project. about five more to go! i'll save the basement photos for another post. it's a total mess down there at the moment but hopefully it will shape up soon! ditto for the backyard where if you were to walk out of the kitchen door at the moment, you would fall about 6 feet to the ground (no steps yet!).

seriously, this is crazy and wild and most days i'm not even sure what to think. up next: can't wait to show you the new exterior paint. it's good. and colorful. and just perfect for us.

dream lab - come play!

hi friends! while i continue to focus on my e-course (which i'm loving in so many ways) and house renovations, i've asked a few friends to guest post over here in this space from time to time. their posts will be mixed in with my usual (though less frequent) postings for two more weeks.

today we've got jen lemen who many of you know from the popular mondo beyondo e-course. she's not only a dreamer of dreamers, but she's a dear friend and very much a touchstone in my life. i'm so glad she's here in this space today to talk about her latest inspirations, and her big plans for the summer - plans that she hopes YOU will join her in!

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There's this white hot panic I have at my back sometimes when it comes to my dreams. If you don't get it together now (or at least soon!) the moment will pass and you will have missed your chance. Hurry, hurry, it whispers. The clock is ticking.

Everyone responds to this pressure differently. Some of us get it together and ramp up. We cover our bases, we try harder. We make sure that whatever is in our power to do, gets finished--and fast. Others of us make our foot long to do lists and immediately sink into overwhelm, declaring ourselves not-like-the-others. We're paralyzed with fear and indecision, and wonder what "the others" have that we're missing.

And then there are those of us whose approach is a little bit of both. We try a little, freak a little more, somehow holding on to the hope that we're not a lost cause. We do the best we can, but there's still those white hot panic moments--those times we feel the pressure and pray we can rise to the occasion even while we are very worried that we can't.

What I'm realizing in my own white panic moments is that whenever I get like this, it's usually because I'm deep into the belief that I'm in it alone. That I can't let up for one minute, because if I don't keep moving, nothing is going to happen. That I can't even let myself begin, because no one has my back. It's this state of mind that takes a red marker and draws a bold line right through possibilities like:

The Universe
hope, kindness, love
community and friendship

I think in the end, it all comes down to trust. Can I trust that there is anyone else on this planet who is invested in me doing well and would love to be in it with me? Can I trust that if I stop go, go, going for one day or one hour or one minute, a kind of universal goodness will catch me when I fall? Can I trust that there's something mysterious out there that every once in a while shows up with the magic when I need to know I'm not alone?

Sometimes my yeses are slow to these questions. I have times when I'm not always sure, and that, my friends, is when it's time for an old-fashioned experiment. Just like the laboratory scientist established the parameters of her investigation, I set up the test.

What happens when I slow down enough for a good night's sleep?
What happens if I ask for help to get to the next step?
What happens if I take my eye off the calendar and do what's right in front of me right now?

This summer we're setting up a very specific test in the Dream Lab. We're trying to find out what will happen if we set aside our Mondo Beyondo dreams for one whole summer and let ourselves sink into rest, play and kindness to ourselves and the people around us. And we're not just saying that. We really want to know want to know. We're craving the kind of joy and magic that shows up whenever you know--you really know--you're not in it alone. We're building our hypothesis on the expectation that all kinds of good things happen when you're willing to loosen up and let go.

It's truly hilarious when hard-working, perfection obsessed people like me or Andrea take things like this on. Because we can't do it halfway, and before you know it, you find yourself in your driveway, asking your eight year old and his friends to spray you with silly string while you jump rope (yes, grownups, we can still play!) while your eleven year old conducts the photo shoot. (see ridiculous picture above)

Or you can't stop trying to rip the Bubble Yum out of your kid's hands just in case you can blow a bigger bubble.

Or you start fantasizing about where else you could leave hope notes that would really help you keep going.

Or you get really excited because the rest you need just might be found in a summer salad next door once a week with people who love you like parents. Or you start to realize that nothing bad will happen if you sit down and write yourself a letter in a tone very different from the one you take with yourself whenever you make a mistake. Or you discover that your dreams feel more possible after such a short time of taking exquisite care of your well-intentioned, rumpled, far less-than-perfect self.

If any of this resonates with you, if you're the kind of girl who needs more space to play and rest and a certain kind of permission to be more gentle, with yourself and others, than I hope you'll join me for Dream Lab this summer. Everything you need to know is right here and it's not too late ever to discover that real dreams come true whenever we dare to bet on a little bit of joy and an unexpected dose of kindness and courage.

Come play with us!

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Thank you, Jen! I seriously can't wait to see how my life and dreams expand when i invite a bit of intentional play and rest this summer! Dream Lab starts TODAY!!!!

Weekly Sponsor Spotlights: Beth Quinn Designs, Unravelling E-Course, + One Inspired Life

Big thanks to my sponsors...I'm really enjoying these weekly sponsor spotlights where their creative talents and businesses are featured. If you are interested in becoming a sponsor (includes your ad on the sidebar + ongoing spotlights), please send me an email for further information!

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Jewelry artist Beth Quinn is "a mom of two wonderful little boys, married to my best friend, and an artist who loves to create anything from paper, fabric , wood ,paint and metal." Influenced by her late father's metal working and her grandmother's creativity, her jewelry is "full of her love for the old , worn and shiny ... she loves to combine texture to create jewelry that can be loved and cherished for years to come." Please head over to Beth's website where you can find her shop (Mother's Day is just around the corner!!) and her blog!

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Susannah Conway is a photographer, writer and the creator of the Unravelling e-course, an 8-week online class designed to help you heal the way you see your self and your world, using photography and journalling to access hidden thoughts & dreams and encourage personal realisations, all in the safe space of a like-minded community. Susannah spent many years as a fashion editor and freelance journalist working in London before her entire world shattered with the sudden death of her partner in 2005. She returned to the south coast of England to heal in solitude, and over the years has rediscovered her true calling though her passion for photography and writing. Susannah now shares her wisdom with people around the world via her blog - SusannahConway.com - and her Unravelling e-courses. She is currently writing her first book, to be published in autumn 2011.

Registration for the autumn Unravelling: Ways of Seeing My Self class opens on Saturday August 21st - join the mailing list for updates on the courses, book and future workshops, and come say hi at the blog!

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Beth Made It is the creative outlet of Beth Wyatt, a decorative artist & painter living in Burlington, Ontario. Beth currently divides her time between upcycling furniture, taking pictures, and making fun accessories for her web-based business. In her shop you'll find flower corsages to wear with your favorite white tee or little black dress. Beth's photo blog will keep you updated on her daily creative projects & adventures.

denial is totally serving me at the moment

i love this photo so much. taken with the iphone. and i love our bus so much, too.

this morning i had a total meltdown as we were rushing around to leave the oregon coast and check out of our hotel. i was trying to frantically check and respond to emails before we hit the road as well as answering numerous phone calls coming in from various leads on our housing situation. yes, it's true. as of this morning, we were still trying to figure out where we were going to live for the next five weeks. we had to move out of our furnished apt last sunday and we still, as of this morning, had no place lined up except to stay with a friend, and well, we don't want to impose.

back to my meltdown. in the full rush and breath of about five seconds this morning, it all came into focus: what i've been doing these last many weeks, and what's still ahead for us. i realized that i've been in total denial of all that is on our plate, but this morning there was a breath of focus that made me see it ALL and under the pressure of that clarity and focus, i crumbled. all of the sudden i was furious at both of us for waiting until the last minute on the housing thing and i was mad at us for being so swamped that it got missed and came down to the wire. i felt the burden of living out of suitcases and boxes these last many many weeks. i was overwhelmed and hormonal and feeling guilty for possibly being under too much stress while preggers. i was mad that we bought a house to renovate versus a home that was move in ready. i was upset with myself for overcommitting myself for the entire summer, even with closing the online shop. i was mad that this has been the worst may and june, weather wise, on record for portland. i was completely saddened that all of my art supplies are still in storage while we live in a state of ongoing transition. i felt a longing to paint. i was feeling sorry for my poor back that is aching more than ever before, for not getting good comfortable sleep. i was mad that i didn't plan my time better, that i felt pulled in a million directions between house renovations (so much work), finding temp housing arrangements, pregnancy (so much to plan for and connect to), an ecourse that is kicking my ass time wise (even if full of eons of blessings), birthdays, friends, family, and building a life in portland. in the heavy of my meltdown, as john so tendering held all my pieces together, i realized that i've been in denial of being pulled in all of these directions, maybe because for the most part i've been so energized and inspired to keep it all together. but those moments this morning gave me a bit of clarity and allowed for a certain release that was totally necessary and needed. sometimes when we surrender to not having it all together, we start to actually get it together.

the truth is is that we all find ourselves in a pickle every now and again. i'm in a pickle. my heart is in the right place. but i'm needing to let even more go than i already have. i'm reminded of earlier this year when my physical limitations really dictated what i could do. i was off the map for a few months, but as soon as i started feeling better, i went full force ahead with a renewed and welcomed sense of adventure and inspiration. but now, after possibly over doing it, i'm realizing that i need to take another step back - to let all the unnecessary to do's and bits wash away. i'm working on resting inside truth and comfort that i'm not going to disappear, that my art won't disappear, that my creative biz won't disappear, if i stop for awhile, if i take a break and tend, if i ask for forgiveness from those i love for not being as available as i'd like to be, if i focus on self care, and time management, if i give myself permission to be totally and utterly overwhelmed and nurtured by my husband.

i'm starting to realize that i might be one of those overly eager well intended creative souls who works on a cycle of go,go,go and then crash + burn. i think i really need to work on this. i'm getting there....it's a constant struggle but i'm getting there. i wish inspiration wasn't so hit or miss. but, for me, it is.

and i'm so HAPPY to report that as of this writing, we have secured a lovely furnished apt with cable (cable!) and wifi (wifi!) and we're moving in first thing in the morning. i have a strong feeling that having a home for the next five weeks will help me settle in a bit with some comfort and tlc.

the oregon coast, and reminiscing

we took a much needed spontaneous trip to the oregon coast - just me, john, and our doggie bella. it's june but you'd never know it with our fleece hats, scarves, raincoats. it's always like this in oregon. you can't really count on summer arriving until july (but it's seriously the most perfect 3 months when it does finally arrive). the weather lately is sort of driving me a little insane, all this rain and cold. on the rare occasion that the sun does come out, we're all flocking out into the wide open spaces, soaking it up like a precious fleeting moment.

have i mentioned lately how much i'm digging my husband lately? just this morning we were reminiscing about our first time venturing out here to the or coast together. it was over 10 years ago. we were young, had just moved from FL to OR together after only knowing one another a few weeks (we fell in love quickly). after we settled into our first apt in portland, we came out to the coast to check things out. we were completely enamored with the scenery (so much different than the FL beaches!), with the wide open spaces, with how unpopulated it was.

so yes, we love the oregon coast. it holds some serious magic. and i love reminiscing with john. we're in that space these days where we're reviewing the last 11 years together as we prepare for a whole new life with baby. i can't believe we waited this long to start a family but i'm glad we had all those years to grow up together, too. i am feeling incredibly blessed inside this life.

What Dreams May Come by Tracey Clark

(tracey clark, photo by brene brown)

hi friends! while i continue to focus on my e-course, and moving into our next temporary apartment (while house reno continues!), i've asked a few friends to guest post over here in this space from time to time. their posts will be mixed in with my usual (though less frequent) postings these next three weeks.

today, we've got tracey clark, founder of shutter sisters. she's a woman who knows that the magic of life exists in the small details, the everyday blessings waiting to be cherished. i love this about her. i also love that she's the woman behind i am enough - a perspective that quite honestly pushes me up against my own edges these days as i juggle what sometimes feels like an impossible amount of dreams, to-do lists, projects and on and on. i really need the reminder over and over again: i am enough. i'm lucky to have her in my life and i'm so excited about having her share a bit of her magic and wisdom with you guys today......

(photo by tracey clark)

Lately, I have been focusing on dreaming big. More so than ever before. It’s state of mind I’m enjoying being in as it feels a little like magic. I have found that my head begins to fly amongst the clouds as I drift and dream about the *big* stuff; places I want to soar off to and adventures I want to experience. I dream of super-projects and big pay-offs as I gaze in the sparkly horizons of the future. But what about when I get my head out of the clouds? What about when I land, feet firmly and satisfyingly on the ground? What do I dream of then? I’m not sure I’ve really thought about it.

I got an email from my sweet friend Meg the other day that got me thinking. She shared her process of seeking and finding her passion for photography, her excitement and drive for getting her business off the ground, her enjoyment in seeing in thrive and then she shared that through it all she’s managed to find a balance where family comes first and work comes second. This doesn’t diminish her passion or progress with her creative work. On the contrary. She said that she will continue to ‘dream big and chase those dreams in the forms of lightening bugs and weeds, to breath deeply and exhale fully’.

Those words, that epiphany, the beautiful, authentic conclusion that she came to was like poetry washing over me. I realized that when I think of dreaming big I often quantify big with the things out there. I’m delighted to be reminded that the things right here (my home, my marriage, my children, my daily life) are big too and in dreaming big I can create exactly what I want under this roof; peace, love, attention, order, routine, joy, patience, understanding, creativity, support, harmony….the list goes on and on for all of these dreams. I’ve decided to add them to Mondo Beyondo list because I’m realizing that dreams have no hierarchy. Creating a home full of joy is as important and lovely a dream as landing a dream job or even winning the lottery. Whether I’m writing a book, jet-setting for a shoot, or baking a birthday cake with my daughters, it’s all equally the stuff my dreams are made of.

I encourage you to focus on ALL the dreams your heart desires; out there and right here.

I want personally invite you to join me in the summer e-class I am leading called Picture Summer; a fun, photo-centric, perspective changing 30-day experience that will not only get you looking at things in a whole new light, it will keep your head and heart in a place of appreciation of your beautiful life. Right here. Right now.

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Thank you for today's post, Tracey.

ps - I can't wait to take your class!!!

i am 24 weeks and a little loopy

evidence that i am delirious. and 24 weeks pregnant.

running through my mind today:

1. i think it's time i buy some preggo jeans. and bras. and shirts. i cannot go another day wearing my old clothes.

2. we have to move out of this temporary furnished tiny apt on sunday. that means a) time to pack and b)time to figure out WHERE you're going to go. hotel, maybe?

3. don't forget, you're turning 35 years young next week. what kind of cake do you want?

4. i seriously need more protein intake

5. you are slacking on prego yoga. get to it, lady.

6. i wonder if we'll be able to move into our house by aug 1st? sure hope that's enough time to settle in before having a baby. but man, those walls are coming together nicely. i can't wait to see the kitchen and the attic and and and. what colors do you want to paint the inside walls? what about the back porch? you really need some stairs off the back door.

7. seriously can't wait to go to the oregon coast on tuesday. needing a change of scenery, for sure.

8. i liked iron man 2. i really did.

9. they say it's going to be sunny this weekend. do you really believe the weatherman?

10. speaking of weathermen, i hope the bachelorette kicks the weatherman to the curb. he's creepy.

judy wise and expanding our personal horizons

(judy and me. way back in 2007. my, how time flies. i miss my pigtails!)

earlier this year, i was at a small gathering of women where i had a chance to spend some time with one of my favorite people on the planet: judy wise. she's the woman we all want to be when we grow up. she's the one who says the wisest things in middle of a random conversation. she's the one that brings you down to earth in all the best ways. she has been on one heck of a personal journey these last many weeks and i've been in awe of how she's navigated it all - i know it's not easy for her, but she truly is honoring bravery, tenderness, and humor as she continues to heal.

ANYWAY, earlier this year when we were both at the small gathering, we had a conversation about fears and boundaries and edges. at the end of my spilling my thoughts, she said "kelly, i want you to post everything you just said on your blog. got that?" and i tend to do anything and everything judy tells me to do, so here it is....some visual thoughts on pushing up against our edges and fears and why it's so important that we do it.

ps- what i've written below is a small snippet from a piece i wrote about fears over in my e-course. in addition to facing our fears, we've been chatting these last many days about inspiration, committing to our creative dreams, and creating a successful online presence via blogs, websites, social networking. it's been so inspiring over there....i can't even tell you. it's not too late to join in on the fun. registration will be open just a few more days!

"One does not discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time." Andre Gide

I really love the idea that we are all physical/spiritual forms standing inside our own circle, our own perimeter. Think of that circle as your personal boundary and you are securely placed in the middle of it. When you do things that you never thought you could do or when you take small steps toward your dreams, you are, in essence, bumping up against that boundary, that perimeter. Then, with each fear faced and with each small step taken, you continue to push and push up against that personal boundary until a new boundary/perimeter is formed around you, only this time it’s further out. You are still in the center, but your circle/perimeter has widened all around you so that there’s more room for you to breathe, to dream, to see, to make new friends, to expand your creativity, to try new things.

Try thinking about this visual each time you’re up against a fear. If you choose not to push up against your fears, yourself, your perimenter, then you are choosing to stay within your tight and small safety perimeter as it stands now. But if you bravely push up against your fears, then you’re choosing to push and expand that perimeter little by little with each small step you take. With each fear faced, a new perimeter is formed, a new expansiveness fills your life. Soon, that perimeter will be so wide around you, that you can barely see your own horizon. That’s what’s possible here. That’s the limitlessness that is waiting for you. Own it. Step into it. Embrace it. Celebrate it. Give yourself permission, despite your fears, to dream big, to envision financial abundance, to define what success means to you. Your limitlessness is waiting. Your horizon is ready to expand.

a fabulous guest post by Myriam Joseph

During these next four weeks as I focus a lot of energy and creativity toward my e-course, I'll be sharing a few guest posts over here in this space. I'll still be posting a couple of times per week but I'll be including a guest post every now again from a few friends of mine, too. Today, we've got the incredibly loving and inspiring Myriam Joseph who is a woman that I deeply admire. She really is all things love and she exudes that energy in everything she does. I am lucky to have her in my life. And as you read her words today, you'll see just how generous she is toward her friends and just how wise she is. I love her way of looking at life. I love the way she celebrates others. I love that she knows that she is deeply enough. I love how she is so committed to witnessing her own life and blessings....

By the way, Myriam runs the ever inspiring JOY (spread the word) - a business dedicated to spreading joy in the way of offering truly uplifting apparel for children. I can't wait for our baby boy to grow into these shirts!

Below is her guest post...please enjoy it! Thank you, Myriam!!

(myriam!)

Take a look at yourself.

Last week while reading Kelly-Mama-Rae’s blog, I found myself admiring the way in which she holds her life so precious. I am always so charmed by the pieces of herself that she chooses to share with the world and I began to wonder what effect highlighting select parts of her life has on her soul. I believe that the way in which she takes us into her world is an expression of the love she has for herself. As I pondered the thought, I recognize that what I really appreciate about the generous glimpse is that this practice requires that she stand witness to her life in a way that enhances her relationship with herself.

It’s not so much the routine of life that is honored in this practice it’s the sharing of yourself with yourself. It’s about really engaging in the enjoyment of something that happened to you and then deeming it important enough to share with a wide audience. You filter through the events in your day/life and decide which to share and which would bring relief/joy to write . The act of selecting what you’ll write about or share, triggered by your inner self, then renders that particular experience important. No matter the size of the couch, the color of the paint, the left or right turn, some piece of that particular activity has been filed into your memory under “important/must share” and the choice of sharing and reliving or describing nurtures your spirit.

So I started thinking, since I don’t have a blog or a journal to read myself, it must mean that things that happen in my life aren’t important to me, or better yet are they not as important as the things that happen to Kelly Rae? I mean really of course if I had that car/house /talent/friendship it would be worthy of sharing right??!! Um, hello, can see where this is going? Nothing good is going to come out of this if I keep heading down this road. The comparison thing always ends in disaster, always. Perhaps a better approach would be, to take a look at how I honor the ordinary daily events that happen in my life and can I see them as extraordinary even if I share with an audience of just one? What I enjoy so much when reading blogs are the details people choose to share about their lives that are made up of the same details that make up my life, it’s just that I find their lives so much fancier.

I do have many of the same blessings in my life, yet I’m just coming around to the idea that it’s mine for the taking, and it’s mine for the making. I do have that car/house/ talent/friendship just different from her. I look closely and it’s clear I don’t have a practice that reflects back to me this enchanted life I am creating. Don’t worry this won’t turn into a conversation about the many ways to have gratitude. It will however be a conversation about encouraging each of us to find our own way to stand witness to our lives. My hope is that I too can create a place for myself to be reminded that the details of my life are extraordinary and fancy and fun and big and important. It is not enough to actually do the thing, it’s more important that I sit with myself and review the thing I have created with myself to enhance my relationships with myself. Each of us is our own greatest measure of a life well lived and a life well loved.

Thank you Kelly-Mama-Rae for the inspiration to inspire ourselves.

dear blog, i know you're feeling a little neglected. i'm so sorry!

(23 weeks. i know, i know. i'm looking big :)

i wasn't really sure what to expect but the work (heart + soul) i've been doing over at the e-course is way beyond anything i imagined. my only other reference point for an experience like this is when i was writing my book under a deadline. that experience was tough (though incredibly worth it) but i'm learning now that it prepared me for this experience and let me tell you...this ecourse, the writing, the preparing, the creativity, the managing, the heart + soul, the keeping up - it's stretching me in ways that are showing myself to myself. i'm learning about my capacity to write my heart out under pressure, to challenge myself to keep the content meaningful yet practical, to hold all the questions and energy coming my way. it's so very very good, but it's easily the hardest, most invigorating, joyous, exhausting, inspiring thing i've done in a long, long time. ultimately, no matter how hard the work is, i think it's important for us to have experiences like these where we unexpectedly find ourselves pushing up against some serious edges that, when pushed through, show us our extended horizons. and better yet, i couldn't have asked for a more awesome group of students to give this course an insane amount of good energy, passion, and comfort to one another. the connecting is so special. i can't help but think all of this good energy and inspiration is keeping my little baby company in utero. i hope he's soaking it all up. and it's SO nice to have a creative outlet while all my paints are still in storage. the writing alone has been so good for my creative soul.

so today, as i came up for air and celebrated one amazing week, the sun actually came out in portland (it's been WEEKS, people. weeks.) and john and i hopped in our vw bus and went outside to enjoy the sunshine. it was heaven. farmers markets, walks in our soon to be neighborhood (!), outside art markets, a nap, good food, ahhhhhhhhhh. it's amazing how ONE day of sunshine and a break can sustain me. thank you, sunshine!

Weekly Sponsor Spotlights: Stephey Baker, Silver Bella, Catina Jane, Handmade Writer, Emily Perry, + Robin and the Sage

I'd like to extend a very warm welcome to my newest sponsors....

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Sponsor, Stephey Baker writes, "I'm an author, artist, licensed spiritual counselor, creative speaker, teacher & transcendentalist. Whee! What I offer is inspirational support to create the life you desire. The artwork, writing, eCourses & counseling sessions are simply different vehicles taking you into that journey. THAT JOURNEY, for lack of a better word, is the product, the vehicles (eCourses, writing, artwork etc.) is merely a point of departure into the Journey of creative living. What I’m crazy about: Being Marked By The Muse. It happens when dwelling deep inside and listening to the inner inspirations. It yields strength, conviction, light heartedness and a feeling of invincibility. I swear sometime when I face the blank page I disappear right into it and want for nothing - mama it’s some kind of ride. Inspiration is an infectious energy that won’t be denied (it just keeps nagging - until we listen). So listen. I’ve come to know that we all thrive at creating possibility and conquer what holds us from living our dreams with gusto, when we engage our inspirations! What inspires you everyday? What is calling you? Need help riding the wave of inspiration into living an inspired life? That’s my specialty. I invite you to join my latest eCourse - Secret Inspirations and engage the hidden secrets available everyday - in so doing you’ll be Marked By The Muse - and mama it’s some kind of ride!" Head on over to Stephey's website to learn more!

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Silver Bella, an Event of the Arts, will be held November 11-14 in Omaha, Nebraska at The Embassy Suites in the historic Old Market District. This Art Event, known for its exquisite attention to vintage and crafty details, fun workshops, and nationally recognized instructors, has been featured in countless blogs as well as Country Living Magazine (Nov. 2008) and in the current issue of Somerset Life Magazine. Teachers and students get together for a weekend of creating, fellowship, shopping and fun in the heartland of America...Omaha! It's our 5th year and promises to be amazing! Check out the details for Silver Bella at www.paperbellastudio.com as well as several e-workshops! Oh yes, and don't miss the Silver Bella blog!

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Hey there! I'm Catina Jane. I am a self taught mixed media artist,jewelry designer, & photographer living in sunny florida .. a Jesus freak on a journey to healing & hope…a girl who is learning to be no one but herself thru a lot of trial & error. My art is created from the need to remind myself & others that they are loved & to never give up! I believes a piece of art or jewelry is loved because it speaks to someone about who they are and what they connect too & love. I have a deep connection with texture,color, & words. They sing to me & inspire my art.
My paintings are love letters to a world that needs to know that they are not alone. I believe hope is contagious & love is fearless. You can find my work via my website or my Etsy shop.

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Take a crafty approach to creative writing and use the fabric of your life to tell your own extraordinary stories. The Handmade Writer e-course will help you gather together material from every source imaginable. You will learn about the craft of writing and how to sew these fragments together to build your own pieces of creative writing.

After a wonderfully received first session, the Handmade Writer e-course is returning for a six week summer session. This is a perfect chance to spend your summer daydreaming and writing.
The summer e-course begins on Monday 28th June and costs £60/ $90 (based on current exchange rates). Enrollment is open now.

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From Bija To Bloom: A Mindful Journey to Our Creative Hearts is a four week e-course designed to center our hearts and minds energetically so that our creative voices may be heard and we can begin to blossom! You will be encouraged to liberate your authentic and creative self while going on a mindful and nurturing journey to unleash your creative voice. July 7- August 6, 2010.

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Nature, especially enchanted woodland inspire me the most. Everyday, I walk in the woods and hills which surrounds my lovely home here in Finland. I love to create jewelry that inspires me when I am wandering through the wild woods or being by the sea...talismans and other meaningful jewels. I use lots of acorns, leaves and birds in my jewelry and I often create them from air clay while fabric and stone beads are my other favorite materials. Come visit me at robinandthesage.com and robinandthesage.etsy.com

house inspiration...

(photo by tracey clark, script by ali edwards.)

yesterday i was telling john that i wasn't sure if it was hormones or the new routine (early wake ups, early bedtimes) or all the energy from the e-course starting or or or or, but i am feeling unusually upbeat and inspired lately. and that's with a record breaking rains for the month of may in portland!

all i know is that the ebb and flow of life is making itself visible these days and i'm riding the wave of seriously happy, seriously inspired, seriously energized, and very very calm. that, and a bit of overwhelm here and there but it seems to all be in stride.

on the house front, we have walls people (no more of it looking like this)! we have walls and we have bathroom tile and skylights up in the attic and we even have electric and plumbing and insulation. i know, i know, it doesn't sound very exciting but at only three weeks into the project, i am practically squealing over here because we are ahead of schedule. all i can think about is moving in, and nesting, and getting ready for our baby. next up: seven more weeks of renovation. the fun part begins soon (flooring, paint colors, decorative molding, etc. and remember those walls. john has been scraping his heart out. wait till you see!

speaking of home and home decor, i wanted to share a few inspiration shots i took with my iphone while in the abc home store a few weeks ago in nyc. that place is amazing:

the nursery inspiration was overwhelming..

really loved these handmade birdie cages..

and this was so cute!

loved how they had fabric and paper bits hanging from the chandeliers..lovely.

and speaking of lighting...wow!

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it's not too late to sign up for the e-course. we started on sunday. and let me tell you. the energy is wildly good. and we are learning so much from one another!