on the other side of through

(true, 8 mos, photo by andrea scher)

True has started to give these really gooey wide open mouth kisses. It's the best. And he goes bananas over his stuffed dolls at the moment, giving them open mouth kisses, too.

During an interview for Mondo Beyondo, Jen asked me what dreams I was currently working toward. I told her that the biggest dream I've been working on these last 8 months has been the dream of building a rich and deeply fulfilling new life (with baby) where my work (and the long work hours) is no longer the top priority, where family gets the best of me (and not everything/everybody else), where life/work balance is in place, and where rest + play is built into every single day.

(my studio table. photo by andrea scher)

As a result of making many big and micro decisions that align themselves with that dream, we've reduced our childcare, cut back on our work hours, and have settled into what feels like a manageable routine that has a nice balance of family time, work time, alone time, fun time. A friend of mine recently commented that I seem happier than ever before. I couldn't agree more (though I was pretty darned happy before True - but likely not in work/life balance kind of way). I feel peaceful in real soulful ways and loving that I'm more in love with my life than ever before. I think the biggest difference is the peace I now feel that ultimately came from surrendering work, lists, perfectionism, control.

I'm also feeling incredibly inspired creatively in ways I haven't in a long long time - ways that make work feel like play (which is always the goal). I'm getting jazzed (Did I just use the word jazzed? Oh yes, yes I did.) and excited about brand new projects, brand new collaborations (big ones), brand new paintings. I'm losing sleep not over baby (he's a dream sleeper most of the time) but over exciting ideas. I love it when this happens.

(me last week enjoying my fave drink, a vanilla lemondrop. photo by rachael)

I remember feeling like an entirely new person the first week he was born, but now after 8 months of coming through the fire so to speak (of surrendering, of birth trauma, of workaholic detox, of new mama adjustment, of hormones, of living with a brand new wide open exposed heart, and more), I feel like I'm inside an entirely new life that finally feels familiar and just right - one that I thank my lucky stars for every second of every day. Thank you god, spirit, universe, world, and every dear soul in my life that helped me through. The only way through is through. I am so thankful to be here in this very spot on the other side of through.