taking flight into art, love, and life (the blog)

Monday, October 01, 2012

who i want to be

Xo 
(These adorable rocks are part of my home decor line with Creative Co-op, but how cute would this be as a DIY project with a few rocks and alphabet stamps?)

I've been a little restless.

About what's next. About the next thing, the next move, the next evolution - in my work, in my art, in my everyday life. This part of the creative process always feels a bit frustrating - lots of reaching, grasping, reconsidering, and hoping you find your footing soon - a solid foundation from which to leap into new experiences/endeavors.  I've been here before. Many times. I know it feels restless and frustrating now, but I also know this time of searching and reaching and questioning will most certainly birth something new and creatively inspiring - not just in my work, but in my life. It happens every time. The uncertainty becomes certainty. 

In my restlessness and while I wait for my uncertainty to birth clarity,  I keep coming back to this favorite quote:

"The deepest secret is that life is not a process of discovery, but a process of creation. You are not discovering yourself but creating yourself anew. Seek, therefore, not to find out who you are, seek to determine what you want to be” – Neale Donald Walsch

So, for the first time in years, I'm writing again in a private journal everyday. Instead of reaching and grasping for what I'd like to do next, I'm working on who I want to be.

Who. I. want. to. be. 

Not who I am today, what I'm doing today, what I want to do tomorrow. 

But rather, who I want to be.

Friends, it feels like an important aha. I'm trusting that becoming who I want to be will organically flow into what I eventually do next.

And I'm wishing the same sweet aha for you if you happen to be in a space of restlessness as well.

Untitled

ps: I was telling her about all of this recently during a phone call. She's a fellow creative friend who totally gets that the restlessness, however frustrating, really is just a part of the creative/life/learning process. During our chat I moaned, "Ugh. It's just not the most joyful process." And her reply shook me out of my boots: "No, but it's useful."

Useful. Useful!

I thought about that reply for days. It has helped me understand this process with so much more understanding and calmness. Love insightful friends.

So a few days later, I am inside a friend's vintage trailer at a cowgirl art camp (more on this soon), and I look up and see the word "useful" pinned onto the wall of the trailer. Seriously, friends. I love how the universe works.


xoxo

21 comments:

Jennifer Rizzo said...

thats so true, i feel like i never get to where i want to be. it must be a part of the creative spirit. in our bible study class one of the quotes was just beacuse it's hard doesn't mean it's bad..... it just seems hard a lot :)

Lucy Chen said...

beautiful post, kelly. very inspiring and affirming.

Laly Blue said...

Love your post, Kelly Rae. And this is very much what you are teaching us every day throughout the e-course: To focus on the BE, and that the DO will emerge naturally from there. Can't wait to see where your wings will take you next!

Concetta said...

Ahh...its all good... have you come across Meister Eickhart (a german mystic from way back). I love this quote here http://glitteringshards.com/2012/soulful-quotes-meister-eckhart/

Stacie said...

Feeling it too...took a walk in the woods a few days ago and transcribed what the universe was trying to whisper to me regarding my own growth and direction. These Post-It Notes from Source are all over the place..you just have to stop, look and listen to what your immediate environment is reflecting back to you.

Jennifer Jackson Taylor said...

what a beautiful post. i love the idea that to write down who you want to be, and not who you are. what great advice.

Jakki said...

I LOVE THIS

At 41, turning 42 in December, Iam getting to this point. This point being 'I am a work in progress.' And that's okay. I have to embrace it and enjoy it.

Silvs said...

Kelly this post feels like it was written for me today. Thank you. I have been battling with some of the same feelings but not been seeing any light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you so much for the reminder that this stage is part of the process and for the encouragement to focus on who we want to be instead of always what we want to be doing. I am going to take that advice. (Love the sound of the cowgirl art camp too, looking forward to more on that!) x

Rose D. Frenchtown, NJ said...

Beautiful post...

Jean Lowe said...

I just saw a fabulous movie about the process of discovering. It's called "Jeff Who Lives at Home." It's about everything we "do" every day as important, even when you don't know what to do next. Reading this post really made me think about what Jeff was doing--I highly recommend it.

Jen Johnson said...

I love your post! I like to call these phases times of reassessment. It's an inherent part of the process, I think, especially for creative people. Sometimes we can be in such a rush to get to the clarity that we overlook what we can learn from being in the midst of uncertainty. May we all find peace in uncertainty.

June Maddox said...

Miss Kelly Rae Roberts...you have no idea how much you are speaking directly to me today. You sure do have some insight and it just pours out of you what seems like effortlessly. Where do we go next? ...that is the question we all have to ask ourselves. Let me just say, I found that post very...useful. You are the master. :)

Helene Dion said...

I soooo needed that! A great big fat huge THANK YOU! :-D

vivienne said...

I'm going through something really similar right now. Unearthing the next layer of what feels like my purpose is and feeling called to shift my creative work to be more in line with that....and I love what you said...that it isn't necessarily joyful but is totally useful. I'm needing to remember that too!

thanks for this truthful post lovely you.

Lorraine in Ventura said...

Though miles and years and situations apart we are at the same SPOT. I have just retired and people keep asking me what I am going to DO. I keep telling them I am just going to BE each day. Enough for now. The rest will follow.

Su said...

I love "useful"...This post has my mind working overtime. It is very clear but very deep. Thank you Kelly. I do love how the Universe works.

Anonymous said...

I am in aw at how many of us were touched by Kelly's words! Feeling inspired that I am in good company with women who are like minded! Thank you Kelly! Your presence on this earth is fulfilling such a great purpose!!! I mean it!! Thank you!!!

Dee Wiggs said...

Kelly Rae, You struck a cord with me. I have that restless feeling bigtime: at work and at my leisure. I'm ancient but still planning what I want to be...just not sure what and how to get there. Good to know I have such good company in this little pocket of my life. Thank you!

Rebecca Renkas said...

Your post hits home. Taking your class and being a newbie artist, I see how much you've had to stretch and grow already and how far you've come. Wow, so I guess this is a forever process, exciting. I love how we often get confirmation from the Universe regarding what path we should be taking and also the little signs like the word that was shown to you. Keep growing and expanding,love your class it's incredible.

Michelle Lowe said...

Hi there! Thank you so much for your post! I lost my mother to breast cancer almost two years ago and even though my creativity soared, I can't seem to bring myself to get unstuck. It has been over a year since I've worked and I don't know which way to turn. I know my purpose may be in fromt of me, but I just can't see it. I go through days where I think I'm the exception-I'm the only one on the planet who has no purpose. Maybe I'm still in shock of my mothers passing. One thing that sort of shocked me is that you have these moments as well. My perception of you is "How could Kelly feel this way? She's so talented!" But even the most talented people feel this way I suppose. Hoping and praying that I see my path. thank you!

Andrea said...

Dearest Kelly, I always use this question with my one- on-one Dreamcoaching-and Body-Image-Sessions. Who you want to be. And add this little extra bonus: How do you want to FEEL!
LOve, Andrea





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